Its been awhile since i wrote down how i felt again. hehe. guess i was fixing myself. getting intouch with my core.  its been a really long week. MOst of it was wasted on havin fun. dint really expect to be friends again with those who left me to hang but im ayt with them now since they gave their side. I was actually pleased when they said i was a big part of em. Props to my friends for making me smile again. haha.

Got into a STREET fyt last tues! Damn i proved my worth! hehe I fought for my friend who was super nice n i fought for the team. It was two on one tho, n i had a hard time taking on one o em while da other was throwin huge ass rocks at me. I took one guy down n made him pay for his insults. Made his face bleed n i actually went for the arm bar. haha la talaga ku magawa. but the other guy came n pushed me off his friend so we went at it again. i brought the other guy down again with a sweep but this time i wasnt so cocky n just punched away but the other guy started throwin rocks at me again. i dint mynd till it hit my face! grabe! hahaha but that ended the fyt. All the while my friends were WATCHING! cheering me on! they had faith i could do it alone. Respect to them for that. oh i had a bruised arm. NAMAGA but that was all.

Well what can i say. . . im officially single as in no more attachments to her. no more tryin to get her back. n no more sadness over her. n i dint really expect to enjoy it, but im havin the time o my life. It was difficult at first. Especially since i devoted a better part o this yr n the past year for one person. But not bein attached to her n not doin wat she wants n doin what i want is kinda refreshin. :) i never knew i had so much time to do so many things. n im actually meetin a lot o new ladies who help me keep my mind off missin her. im kinda interested in someone but im tryin to take my time. :D im tryin to get my old rep back. the player rep? n im just lettin it flow. :D props to my two best friends SASSA n MARRIOT for always bein there for me n stickin with me even thru da addiction, the obsessions, the crazed homicidal feelings n most importantly, for bein there for me thru the hardest time of my life. Guess when you fall inlove its hard to let go but when you do let go, it really is simply wonderful. braking away from the chains that bond you, really make you feel free n i thank God for finally bringing me to this point. You cant begin to imagine how i felt thru all this. no sane person would have gone thru what i did n still be normal. Guess im scarred for life but im standing again n thats all that matters. yes from time to time i miss her. :D i call them the "FITS". N when these fits o passion n longing come i feel devestated. thats y im never alone nowadays. i always have someone to back me up  help me walk. :D i feel like i just got well from an illness. seeing things from a diferent perspective n finding new meanings to old visions. Frankly speaking for the past year ive felt inadequate. like i had no real use since coz i wasnt really bein treated properly by .... im done with all that. not lookig back at the past. its gone n buried n im not looking forward to look back anymore. im looking at my future with an open mind n a bright eye. :D Simply put, im begginning to love me again. n fuck everythin else coz me is all i really have. :D There is no forever. n thats not bitter talk. its bein a realist speaking from experience.

What else can i say? i feel like ive neglected writin my thoughts down that i feel i just have to make up for lost time. Sino kaya pipiliin ku sa tatlo? hahaha I know it sounds vain but what the hell! Duhba! :D what i meant by that was which one to pursue. un lang. hehe the weekend was great! ive been drinkin, partyin n havin a good time! :D i havent seen my pc in awhile actually. :D

Basta! bukas na lng.. aalis pa ko eh! gotta meet up with cla Janrod, Alcid etc. . ill hoolllla back tom. Hi to everyone again! Peace out!

oh i dont know why i wrote some personal ish down. .  but to anyone offended. hope you understad. writin it down makes it easier. sorry na lng. Not mentionin names naman eh! ingatz people!

" I'll Wait for you but if you can't wait for me, Promise ill still wait for you." The last words i said to the girl i loved. The only real thing i need to say. A relationship is created by two people. . guess it was just one sided n she just couldnt give me the chance of redememption. i wanted so much to keep her in my life that i begged n lost all dignity. i poured out my heart, telling her everythin n expressing how i felt thru words that i hoped would reach her but it dint happen. . for the nth time she gave up again. . . Theres just a limit to how many times a person can take being hurt. . i dont know if ive reached my limit but i guess i dont wanna find out anymore. . I have a question? why is it most girls say things that are different from what they want? why do you say words in the heat of the moment? is it necessary to hurt guys just to satisfy whatever your feeling inside??

i dont know. all i know is i found out that up to dat day she still hadn't let go of the past. she was still angry at the things that happened between us. . binawian nya ku. . . guess she has every ryt to do it. . i do deserve it. .

Today im pretty tired of all thats been happenin. . i was so caught up with what was happenin to us i couldnt see what was happening to me. . ive lost my GAME! my skills! hahaha. . . guess that happens when you fall inlove but is it true that without guile or game there is no girl?? i dont know anymore. Today i got up wanting to change. . forget her and her hurtful words or her mean actions. sure i love her n ill keep it that way. n if she does finally understand if i do mean somethin ill be there waitin. but for now i really need my space. i need to refind myself. redefine what i am. I just wana be the old Gab. The one people liked, not the one too caught up in the past. Today im thinkin bout TODAY, not yesterday or tomorrow. I dont wanna over think anymore, i dont need to analyze anymore. Ive lost to her n its ok with me coz shes happy with it. haha. like she sez, ang sarap ku daw asarin. . tss! k lng. ganyan ka talaga eh. . 

I need to get my GAME back. how do i do it? enjoy the single life i guess. To her friends bahala kau if you wana show this to her coz i know shes read some of it na. . dont care. To her: I'll love you, as long as i can. . ill find others but theyll never be as perfect as you. n ill always care n wait for you. If ever i find someone new pls dont be happy for me. . coz dat would just be a replacement for the best thing thats ever happened to me. . . you. If ever i still do mean anythin. . . sana malaman ku. . b4 its too late. . .

I want you. . its crazy. . we both know its over but for a whole lot of reasons that i doubt anyone will be able to explain. . i just want you. to feel you, to be with you, to see you n to love you. . . im love sick and im scared but im tyred of doin everythin to make you happy. . i guess i wanna be happy too. . . i wanna be happy. . y cant i. . i mean everybody gets a happy ending, whens myn gonna come up. . the thing is ill never consider my lyf to be happy if i dont spend my life with you. . . ill never be happy again if i dont get you back. . ill never be fine again. . not without you. . A guy called HITCH sed people leap n hope to god they can fly. . because other wise they just drop like a rock n wonder  why in hell did they jumped. . . your the only person whos ever made me feel that i can fly. . Like i can do anythin i want to. . That im larger than life. . N i just don't wanna lose you. . . i already have actually n im pulling out all the stops just to try n get you back coz your just the most amazing thing thats ever happend to me. . you really are. .

Ok y u? i mean there are a lot of other girls out there. . . well most girls r pretty. . but ur beautiful . . ur amazing. . ur exrtaordinary. . 

I cant explain. . its crazy. . U knw its not a sure thing but thats what makes it so ryt?!?! i mean, we are two completely different people. . but bein around you is just so intoxicating. . n i just cant get enough o you. . . god i wish i wasnt in luv. . im not used to it. . i hate bein sentimental. . n i hate repeatin myself. . but im just so head over heals for you. . i mean were thru n all, but i just want you back . . . if ever thats still a possibility. . even if i just have to start back at the bottom. . i love you. .